The last time I wrote about the Authentic self and its importance was three years ago for The Inspire Wire. Click the link here to read the original blog before reading Part 2 if you like! https://theinspirewire.org/examining-the-authentic-self/
Progress!
It has been 3 years since I last wrote about examining the authentic self. In that time I have changed a lot, but the importance of examining my own authentic self has led me to deeper understanding of myself and a life more aligned with my core values.
This process has led me realize core pieces of my self that I have neglected or not accepted until recently.
Curiosity – Perpetual Growth/Beginner’s Mindset
Curious is the easiest way to describe me. I want to learn, grow, experience, and live!
As a kid, and still to this day, my favorite movie characters were the wise old wizards, sages, masters, gurus, etc. I have sought wisdom wherever I could find it. Why though? Why is that so important to me? When surrounded by wisdom, you can’t help but to soak in knowledge and wisdom and improve as a result! Self improvement is incredibly important; When we start to stagnate, opportunity diminishes.
Part of my focus on growth has been driven from my realization about the incredible potential that life has to offer. Life is so beautiful, and I am constantly amazed at the range of possible experiences available to us today! By stepping out of my comfort zone, trying new things, I am growing as a person. That’s fascinating to me! This mindset breeds optimism, passion, and a everlasting zest for life.
After all, how will you know who you are unless you continue to explore and experience life. Those experiences teach you who you are and what you want your life to look like.
Non-Conformist
Throughout my life I have been a skeptic. I question authority and those who claim to possess knowledge or truth. I think freely, but I am open to new ideas. To me, seeking knowledge and wisdom through new experiences is what life is all about. Although I am open and eager to learn, I need to be convinced in order to believe or change my thought process.
Truly, all of us are viewing the world through a different lens. That fact is liberating. It allows us to trust our own thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Just because your parents, manager, teachers, politicians, etc. think you should do one thing, that doesn’t mean it’s the best thing for you. Only you know truly what’s best for you.
However, you may not know what’s best for you right away. You may ignore the advice of more experienced, wiser individuals. But their advice is coming through their experiences and their lens of the world. Their lessons may not be relevant to you at all! This fact is also liberating. You need to make your own mistakes fearlessly, knowing they are part of the life process of growth and self-discovery.
Independent/Detached
One of the hardest pills to swallow in this life is the truth that we are alone in this world. Yes, we have family, friends, significant others, mentors, and many other people that are in our lives, but we are ultimately alone.
Yes we need others to survive, but the fragility of life dictates that we can’t truly depend on others. Our parents, family, friends, spouse, even if they are devoted, loving people in our life, we can’t expect them to always be there for us. They have to live their own life the way they want to live it. On top of that, unforeseen circumstances could lead to sickness, death, estrangement, and other events that would separate them from you forever.
A constant reminder of these truths have allowed me to work on myself, and build my own independence and internal strength. I have confidence in my ability to navigate this world on my own, which allows me to go through life with a positive and healthy mindset.
Importance of Community and Loving Relationships
Although I am independent, the importance of a community of people around you is not lost on me. I lean on others constantly for advice, support, community, etc. I have realized lately how important it is to diversify the people in your life. You can’t depend on a small network of people. With only a small community of people in your life, that puts you at risk to be completely devastated in the event that you lose those people.
I am on my own in this world, but first I build a healthy and strong relationship with myself, and then a large community of loving, supportive individuals! It’s also important to constantly build and refine that community as you grow. As you change, your community will to.
Now, just because I value independence, does not mean my relationships can’t be just as meaningful. To me, a relationship without dependence or commitment is more powerful. Without commitment, you know that when you are with that friend or loved one, you are both together because you both truly want to spend time together. No obligations, just a shared interest in sharing an experience or moment with each other!
EDIT: I do believe in committed relationships, but in this article, I am torn, because truly if you are being authentic, then you can only commit to the present moment. There is no way of knowing what will happen in the future. However, you can commit your full self to the relationship in every moment you are with them. That is the best way to treat relationships if you ask me!
Barriers to an Authentic Life: Fear of Being Alone
As you progress through life, you begin to form habits, patterns, deeper relationships, etc. You slowly begin to depend on these people and this way of life. The more you build that pattern, the harder it is to change. Much of the fear of change and the fear of being alone are identical issues.
Every second you make decisions that don’t align with your authentic self, you are building a pattern of betrayal of your true self. Over time, you may begin to resent your own circumstances, when it was in fact a disregard of your own feelings that led to the situation.
By the time you aware of your regret in where you are in your life, it may seem impossible to make a change. Your identity has been so ingrained, habits, patterns, relationships so cemented that it’s hard to consider uprooting what you have built to that point. Especially if by honoring your authentic self, you feel as though it would isolate you from those you love and connect with.
The fear of loss is strong, and the pain and grief of loss is stronger. But, the pain of living an inauthentic life may be far worse.
Important Reminder: You are NOT Alone!
Every person at one point in their life struggles with their self image. We are all constantly analyzing ourselves and comparing to others. As social creatures, we have an innate desire to fit in. What we aren’t told, is that there are so many unique, weird, and interesting people in this world that are just like us!
This knowledge is liberating! Knowing that no matter who we are, there will be people out there to connect with, who are attracted to us, who want to spend time with us, that is beautiful! We let fear and doubt creep in because we feel that our true self won’t be accepted or celebrated. This is a total lie! Yes you may be rejected by some, maybe by your own friends/family, but you will attract people who love you for who you truly are!!!
Unfortunately, this is extremely hard for us to do. This quote by Raoul Martinez in his book “Creating Freedom” is one of my favorite quotes of all time.
It is easy to be lazy, callous and ungenerous, but to learn what it means to act in our own interest, to be truly selfish, is one of life’s great challenges: it requires that we know what we really value and how to dedicate ourselves to it. The hordes of deeply unhappy, dissatisfied, disillusioned people in the world – including many with wealth, fame and power – are a testament to this challenge. In life, the default outcome is not that we act in our self-interest but that we change ourselves to meet the games we are taught to play
p.256, Creating Freedom, Raoul Martinez – check out my article on this book for more info: www.theinspirewire.org/creating-freedom
What do you think about this quote? To me it is profound! It validates the struggle that is living authentically. What is more heartbreaking than someone who has completely changed themselves in order to follow the rules or fit in?
Be Your Beautiful Self!!!
As my favorite actor (Robin Williams) said, in my favorite movie (Dead Poets Society):
“Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary!”
This is easier said than done. Becoming your true self involves monumental changes and a pattern interrupt in your life. I am currently working on an article on psychedelics, one of the great catalysts for change that we have at our disposal. I am planning to share my experience, takeaways, and some advice. Once I am finished writing I will share it! 🙂
