Destiny, Purpose, Free Will, Life Changes, and Self-Actualization

I decided I wanted to collect my thoughts and reflect on the ideas surrounding destiny, purpose, and free will. Does the saying “everything happens for a reason” have truth to it? If so many people use that phrase, what does that mean?

People Sure Do Say It A Lot

Before we dive into this deeply, I feel it is important to mention that it is a phrase for a reason. It is said by a lot of people, and therefore its meaning must resonate. I think that phrases like these generally do ring with some level of truth, but that truth is not always entirely clear. The first step to understanding the truth behind this phrase is to understand why someone says it. To me, there are so many different reasons to say it. Honestly, that is likely why it is said so much; because you can say it in response to anything!

Technically Everything Does Happen for A Reason

Here comes Logical Tom everyone LOL. In the future, if anyone says “Well, I believe that everything happens for a reason”. You can respond with “Well, yes technically, everything does happen for a reason, but what do you actually mean when you say that?” My job as a natural skeptic and logical thinker is to challenge others to say what they mean. One of my long-time life lessons is to learn the power of effective verbal communication.

Words have POWER. I may even write a blog on the power of words, but in the meantime, it’s important to remember that at our best, we are speaking with intention behind our words and we choose the words carefully.

That being said, I am a prime example of someone who gets frustrated with the incomplete nature of verbal or even worse, written communication. My thoughts and ideas are all over the place, and now you expect me to speak or write clearly with flow and rhythm. If you have read my writing, you know it tends to flow chaotically. I am grateful you are here and are bearing with me because I love and hate how much I love writing!

So back to what I was saying. Technically, everything does happen for a reason. This is true. However, that is not why this is a common phrase. Typically the phrase indicates some level of belief in destiny or determinism. Let’s take a look at some reasons why people use that phrase.

Coping Mechanism

The truth is, a lot of bad things happen in our lives. Unfortunately, there are some bad things that happen that are out of our control. How does one reconcile something awful that happens for no apparent reason? Well, if you believe that everything happens for a reason, you are potentially more able to accept that awful thing. It gives us some sort of peace knowing there was nothing that could have been done differently because it was still going to happen anyway.

This helps to facilitate acceptance. But can it also create a downward of hopeless surrender into nihilism? The more struggle you go through, the more it can test your will. It also hurts to think that you were meant to suffer the way you have. This is when the phrase “everything happens for a reason” can be either your savior or your demise. How do you move forward when you are constantly challenged and disadvantaged and made to suffer? If you let reality defeat you, you will let the darkness consume you . If you realize that these challenges are here to test your resolve, you can turn them into lessons that allow you to rise in your true power.

I feel there is comfort in knowing that many things that happen are truly out of your control. There is also the dilemma of when you make a mistake or you could have done something differently. Guilt and shame are always lurking to remind you of your bad choices. If we can transmute guilt and shame into intentional decision making that aligns with who we are, we can be at peace knowing that we made the right decision for us despite what unintented consequences it has. As long as we are able to learn from our mistakes, we can continue to go about our lives learning and growing together.

Destiny and Purpose

I have long been a destiny denier. I have an interesting relationship with the idea of destiny. My problem with the idea of destiny is that it enables someone to accept a certain trajectory of their life. Destiny is a curious topic for me and I am going to go through an internal discussion about it. I hope it sparks some internal dialogue in you as well!

I believe that we all have an infinite amount of desitinies and purposes. This belief is based under a few things. I believe that we have free will. Having free will means to me, that we make our own decisions, and we are therefore in control of our own destiny. I do believe that there are multiple destinies or purposes that we are meant for. But how can that be possible?

Changing Paths

The truth is that we have so many different paths that we might take in this lifetime. The range of choices and possibilities are so wide that it can be overwhelming. So overwhelming, that many often make a few big decisions, and then let weight of those choices carry them along the path that the choices forged. Following this thread, if we follow a path only to find that we are uncertain about the path, how do we determine if we made the right choice or not?

This uncertainty can really mess with our mind. Instead, it is easier to sit with our choices and the path we are currently on, bearing the weight of regreting the choice, than it is to make a change in our path. But to me, realizing that we can always change our path is a beautiful thing. It provides peace of mind and a sense of personal freedom. It is a license to be your true sel, knowing that your true sef is always changing and evolving! I wrote a blog on change on the inspire wire if you are interested in reading more about this topic.

Do We Have Free Will?

Those who believe that everything happens for a reason often believe in destiny. Like how certain events were meant to happen. But what about free will?

Do we have free will? This is another blog that could be written. For those interested in reading more in depth about my thoughts on free will, I have already wrote a blog on a book called “Creating Freedom” by Raul Martinez. It discusses these topics in length. Check it out here. The truth is, the lottery of birth has gifted us with a random set of DNA, and a random environment. People like to talk about nature vs. nurture, but regardless of that, we have no control over who we become. We certainly do not choose the brain we have, so how are we to take responsibility for the choices we make. Yet, from a very young age, we are taught to be responsible for our actions. Fear of the consequences of our actions sinks in deep, especially in the United States where the incarceration rate is so high.

Be Authentic

So again, do we have free will? I would argue that we do have free will, but we do not have any control over who we are. Deep down, we have a spirit that yearns to be authentic and free, to sing our heart’s song. Along the way, bad things happen to us; we make mistakes. Life tries to dim our authenticity.

If we can remember the truth that we are a unique individual, and our unique form of expression is actually a gift to ourselves and the world! I believe we are here for a great purpose. That great purpose is our own unique self expressing who we are through our gifts. Our gift to the world is our heart singing in authentic joy of who we are. Raul Martinez teaches that because of the lottery of birth, we are not responsible for who we are. That is a liberating fact. I can love who I am and feel free to be unapologetically myself, knowing I am not responsible for who I am. I just am!

Realize Your Highest Purpose

Everything happens for a reason. You are here in this playground called life, and given time and space to learn lessons and make choices. If you find that the path you are on no longer aligns with your deepest authenticity, then remember that you are meant for something great! You have an infinite number of possibilities for your purpose, so always choose one that aligns with your most authentic self. We are here on earth to realize our highest purpose, so let’s work through the obstacles in our way and ascend to our greatness!

Sending my love to you all!